It's been 5 months since my last post.....
As I was driving to church this morning my mind wandered back to September and how much I’m not a fan of that month. If I’m honest- I hate that month now, I don’t want to but I just do. September is filled with loss- loss of some people that I truly cared about and miss tremendously. I often wonder what it would be like if things were different. You see with that loss, there come voids. Voids that I have filled over the years in ways I’m not proud of and then there’s been prayer, church, and scripture. Those voids hurt, I’ve lashed out and said things I didn’t mean and stuff I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for- something I struggle with.
As I was driving to church this morning my mind wandered back to September and how much I’m not a fan of that month. If I’m honest- I hate that month now, I don’t want to but I just do. September is filled with loss- loss of some people that I truly cared about and miss tremendously. I often wonder what it would be like if things were different. You see with that loss, there come voids. Voids that I have filled over the years in ways I’m not proud of and then there’s been prayer, church, and scripture. Those voids hurt, I’ve lashed out and said things I didn’t mean and stuff I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for- something I struggle with.
I didn’t want to go to church today but I did. I didn’t want to sit in a crowd of people who
look like they have it all together when all I wanted to be was a hot mess and
that be okay. Today though, while driving, Jesus reminded me that the voids I
have could be filled with only one thing- Him.
Jesus! Just Jesus. I can read my Bible, memorize scripture (and
mess that up at times) and pray as much as I want but marking things off a list
won’t fill those voids. I needed to be reminded of Jesus. He hasn’t forgotten about me, I’m in the palm
of His hand.
